Emily is a dynamic and sought-after senior systems engineer, admired by many in her industry. A great people person and delegator, she inspires and motivates her colleagues, and can command a room with ease and grace. Yet, until recently, her success was being undermined on a daily basis.
The undermining presence of ‘Chubs’
As a child, Emily had a bit of puppy fat, which her brothers and the kids at school would tease her about mercilessly. Even though she had grown out of it by her early teens, her family nickname, ‘Chubs’, still stuck into adulthood, as did her shame about her body.
‘Chubs’ still looked back at Emily from the mirror every morning as she got dressed. Sometimes, Emily would ignore this, her head full of strategy or meeting agendas, but sometimes Chubs would take her unawares. She became uncomfortable in her own skin, and unusually aggressive or defensive. When an important occasion or chance to dress up came along, Chubs would often make her presence felt strongly. Emily would stare at her in despair, often remarking to her husband how fat she was or disconnecting from him completely. Seeing Chubs in the mirror chipped away at Emily’s confidence, as she joined in mentally with the remembered chants from her brothers and schoolmates.
Unconscious impact on others
One day, Emily overheard her young daughter referring to her own beautiful body as fat. She was horrified. Recognising she was unwittingly doing to her daughter what her own mother had done to her, Emily decided she would no longer allow her ‘fat voice’ any airtime. She observed it each time it arose in her head and chose to consciously focus on something about herself her loved, speaking this out loud instead.
A new conscious choice
After just a few weeks, Emily realised that she hadn’t noticed Chubs in the mirror for a while. After a few months, she couldn’t find Chubs in her reflection even when she looked for her. The simple act of catching the ‘fat voice’ and consciously choosing a new focus had produced a change of heart that Emily couldn’t have predicted. As a result, she had stopped the supply chain of poisonous thoughts that could undermine her confidence in a heartbeat. Chubs was gone and Emily (and no doubt her daughter & husband) were much happier for her absence.
One of the benefits of War to Peace®
During the War to Peace® workshops, we look at the multiple ways you are helping – and unconsciously undermining – the quality of your relationships with yourself and others.
Over to you
- Who is your ‘Chubs’ equivalent?
- What unhelpful long-held beliefs do you have about yourself that remain unquestioned or unchallenged?
- What one step could you take today to view yourself more helpfully?
Do you know someone who could benefit from War to Peace®?
If you, or someone you know, could benefit from knowing how we unconsciously sabotage ourselves and our relationships – and what to do about it – places can booked on one of our courses that anyone may attend here:
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