As emotional beings, our subconscious doesn’t care whether we’re curled up on the sofa nursing one too many glasses of wine after a row with our partner or we’re being lambasted in a high-profile board meeting. We carry around our emotional hangovers like a heavy load, despite our best efforts to put them aside. Left unchecked this can lead us, in War to Peace® terms, to being ‘in the Red’, a place that leaves us vulnerable to attack (ing). This award-winning methodology allows us to notice and deal quickly with our emotional hangovers so that we are not transporting them with us between our workplace, family and friends.
Having helped over 4,000 people to conquer their conflicts in life, a recurring theme is the existence of one key relationship difficulty that overrides all others. Who would have thought that long-spurned ex would manage to invade our thoughts at work? Or that the cutting comment by our mother-in-law could bite us when we least expected it? Or that put down from our work colleague could steal our joy over the weekend? This emotional hangover can rob us of our mental clarity and impact our productivity, effectiveness and wider relationships. Not just at work but in our personal lives too.
How is that one relationship undermining your effectiveness?
Perhaps you have a boss who is micro-managing you, leaving you feeling frustrated and overlooked? Or perhaps you have a partner who keeps letting you down, leaving you feeling resentful and unappreciated? Maybe for you it’s a parent you’re carrying around in your emotional hangover, whose inadequacies are constantly reminding you of the flaws you perceive to have inherited? I know how this feels and it’s why I designed War to Peace® to be repeatable and structured so that its teachings can be applied to any area of your life. Because whilst we carry around these emotional hangovers, they take up headspace and make our tasks feel far more difficult than they are in reality. Even when we find strategies to ‘park them’, a single reminder (someone’s tone of voice, the way they look at us, the unfair way they interact with us etc.) will be enough to trigger us into remembering them and to stop being present to our current task or interaction.
So how can War To Peace® help you to become more effective?
A great quote I came across recently is: “10% of conflict is due to a difference in opinion and 90% is due to the wrong tone of voice.” Spot on, yet we’re typically led to believe that we should therefore focus our efforts on changing our tone of voice, which is pretty tough when we’ve labeled the person as – well, fill in your own blank. And once they’re labeled, any attempts that simply amend our tone of voice will be evidently inauthentic. This is where the War To Peace® methodology differs to other methods of conflict management, which typically focus on changing our external behaviour. Instead, it redirects our attention to a much more powerful and effective place, our mindset, which is derived from our both emotional state, and our perceptions and beliefs.
Contrary to its name, our mind is far from being set. In fact, it is open to processing all the data it receives so that we are effortlessly operating in integrity, and our behaviour is naturally aligned. It just needs to be taught how. Once our mindset is reset, so that it is back to being in its natural untriggered state, we have mental clarity, a clear action plan and our behaviour is naturally authentic and relational. It is this alignment in ourselves that invites responsiveness from the person we are struggling with, rather than our repeated attempt to keep trying to interact with them with different behavioural strategies.
What keeps us stuck, vulnerable and ineffective? Any unresolved key relationship conflict that rears its ugly head as we go about our day-to-day business. By attending a War To Peace® workshop, you will learn and experience how to disentangle yourself from this unyielding knot you have been carrying around, so that you are free from its undermining and unproductive restraints.
Over to you
- Who in your life is stealing your headspace and joy?
- Which key relationship is permeating your thoughts and undermining your effectiveness?
- Notice all the times in the coming week that you are distracted by someone who has invaded your thoughts. Instead of trying to change their behaviour or yours (or secretly seething), consider how a mindset shift could benefit you.
Do you know someone who could benefit from War to Peace®?
If you, or someone you know, could benefit from learning more about how to remain effective and untriggered at work and at home, consider experiencing War to Peace® for yourself. These workshops can be held in your workplace and away from it. Spaces for our next public course that anyone may attend can be booked here: