“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space lies our freedom and power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and freedom.” – Victor Frankl
We all know how a room can feel stuffy and the effect it can have on us: the hot, airless atmosphere can give us headaches and we can begin to feel irritable. Often, we don’t even notice the stuffiness until someone walks in and comments on it, or a window is opened and the breeze it lets in feels like… well, a breath of fresh air.
A common, uncomfortable situation; an easy and instantly transformative answer.
What about when our interactions with others become uncomfortable? It’s very easy, particularly when we are in conflict situations, to move closer to the person we are talking to, both physically and energetically. Our words come thick and fast, our responses are quick, our breath is shallow, our emotions are heightened, our gestures are choppy, adrenaline is flooding our system, our synapses are firing at an enormous rate, we’re ready to blow…
Woah. Someone open a window and let in some air here!
The old advice to take a deep breath and count to ten has survived the test of time because of its efficacy as a first response to stressful situations like the one described above. It literally lets in some air.
But as well as getting some much-needed oxygen to our brains, taking a deep breath also ensures that we pause for a moment. And that pause gives us space to think:
- About what the person is saying
- About all the possible repercussions of that message
- About the physical responses going on in our bodies
- About the assumptions we may have
- About how to react
- About how our reaction might affect the situation in hand
- About whether we are at War or at Peace
- About the bigger picture
In short, that pause enables us to process the messages being conveyed and frees us from the pressure of an immediate, and often unhelpful, reaction. Rushed reactions take us very quickly up the Ladder of Inference, which sometimes leads to things being said and done that we later regret. Allowing ourselves to breathe and to let air in to our conversation enables us to stop, think and assess the situation on each rung of the ladder.
Our work in the War to Peace workshop helps you to discover how to extend that pause just a little longer – to give you the opportunity to make a choice that will be more helpful in your relationships and daily interactions.
Over to you
- Do you ever find yourself in ‘stuffy’, uncomfortable conversations? What happens if you let some air in?
- How could learning about extending that pause help you?
Want more support?
We are running our next War to Peace workshop in London, UK on October 7th. Our last three workshops were sold out with a wait list, so do book early to avoid disappointment.
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©Halcyon Global 2016
Do you ever find yourself in ‘stuffy’ conversations? What happens if you let some air in?
When has pausing offered you a different perspective?
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