One of the most obvious things that can be said about war is that it is severely detrimental to people’s health. Even ‘winning’ a war comes at a cost of thousands of deaths and even more injury and heartache. The victorious side may have the land or the power they were after, but it is a prize that has affected those who fought for it, and their loved ones, forever. The ‘losing’ side has lost even more than the thing they were fighting for in the first place.
Both sides are likely to think that they are ‘right’ and their opponents are ‘wrong’; both sides of the fight are informed by the values they hold dear.
And it is the same when we are at War with someone in our life. There may be two apparently opposing ‘sides’, but it may well be that one of them is not even aware that there is a war going on. The battleground may appear at first glance to be the boardroom, the kitchen or the playground, but it’s actually in the hearts and heads of those who are at War. ‘Winner’ or ‘loser’, there is often a huge price paid in emotional or physical injury, loss of focus and decreased wellbeing. If you have been at War for some time, you are at a high risk of becoming ill with stress related diseases too.
Many people who discover War to Peace, realise with dismay that they have been at War for most of their lives and that being at War is their modus operandi. Theirs is generally a longer journey, albeit a worthwhile one.
To avoid a revelation such as this, it is worth knowing the signs that you are going to War. Think of it as the personal equivalent of hearing the news updates that talks between countries aren’t going so well and that the national mood is changing. No shots have been fired yet, but war is looking imminent. The big difference is that when you spot these signs in yourself, you can do a lot more to stop the War happening!
So what are some of the common signs (we call them ‘Red Flags’ in the War to Peace workshop) that you might spot in yourself if you are in danger of going to War?
- Your breathing changes – often becoming shallower and more rapid
- Your pulse rate changes and you become noticeably hotter or colder
- The tone and volume of your voice changes
- Gestures you make may become bigger, or you may pull faces, bite your nails, drum your fingers etc
- Your language may change – it’s worth noting when you are swearing more than usual, for example
- Your head becomes noisy with inner chatter
- You find it harder to sleep, or you may have nightmares
- Concentration becomes difficult
- Your stance or gait changes – you may find your shoulders raised for example
- Your appetite changes – you may not feel hungry or you may eat for comfort
These are just a few examples of the sorts of things that may flag up that you are ‘in the Red’ and, with a bit of self-observation, you will probably start to recognise your own patterns.
Becoming familiar with your own Red Flags can be enormously helpful, as it is much easier to catch yourself at the early signs and prevent going to War in the first place than it is to get yourself out of a long-standing at War state. And the good news is that just becoming aware that you are in the Red is to have already stepped onto the Path to Peace.
If you have identified that you are flying your Red Flags, don’t worry – there is plenty of opportunity to get back to being at Peace. Try reading through more of these blog posts for some ideas, download the Spiral of Disempowerment and stop your descent before it begins, or maybe consider enrolling on the next workshop in October.
And then congratulate yourself – by noticing your Red Flags early, you have a much better chance of avoiding your own personal costs of War, and you can save those around you from the fallout too.
Over to you
- Have you noticed any of your own Red Flags?
- Looking back on your own past experiences, what are some of the costs of being at War?
- What is one thing you could do the next time you notice your Red Flags going up?
Do you know someone who could benefit from War to Peace?
If you, or someone you know, would like to experience and understand more about being at War and learning how to be at Peace, even with the people we find most difficult, our next open-access War to Peace workshop is on 16 October. Spaces sell out quickly, especially our reduced priced tickets, so if you would like to attend, do book yours today.
P.S. Pass it on!
Found this useful? Then please share this article using the icons below and do leave us a comment.
Can you recognise your Red Flags?
Please leave your name and email address at the top or bottom of this page to receive more articles like this.
©Halcyon Global 2015
Leave A Comment