The Spiral of Disempowerment™ is a relationship clarity tool that reveals the part we are playing when conflict becomes stuck.

When conflict becomes stuck

There are moments in relationships when conflict stops moving.

At times, you may feel stuck, triggered, or preoccupied by someone else. You may notice yourself replaying conversations, feeling drained, or wishing that the other person would finally change.

The Spiral of Disempowerment™ is designed for these moments.

From here, the tool helps you see what is actually happening beneath the surface, often revealing dynamics that are invisible when emotions are high and certainty feels justified.

When to use this tool

Use the Spiral of Disempowerment™ when:

• A relationship feels stuck or draining

• You feel triggered, resentful, or preoccupied by someone

• You keep replaying conversations in your mind

• It feels as though you have tried everything, yet nothing shifts

• Your attention is fixed on what someone else is doing or not doing

You will need a blank piece of paper and a few uninterrupted minutes.

What this tool does

The Spiral of Disempowerment™ is drawn from the War to Peace® methodology.

It shows how clarity, choice, and influence gradually erode in relationships, not because we are failing, but because we are human.

When something feels uncomfortable, unfair, or threatening, our minds naturally make meaning. Those meanings feel true and reasonable, yet they quietly pull us away from our power.

This tool helps you to:

• Separate observable facts from the meanings and assumptions you may have added

• See how your internal stance is shaping your experience of the other person

• Become honest about the impact the situation is having on you

• Recognise the impact you may be having in return

• Identify what is genuinely within your control, and what is not

This is not about blame, fault, or self-improvement. It is about restoring clarity.

When clarity returns, influence follows.

Why clarity matters in conflict

When we are unaware of the Spiral, we tend to repeat the same responses, which are typically that we:

• Try harder.
• Argue our case.
• Withdraw, avoid, explain, or seek allies.

None of these restore influence.

Without realising it, our attention stays focused on what we cannot control, while the situation continues to occupy our thoughts and energy.

When you complete a Spiral of Disempowerment™, your time and attention return to where they are most effective. From that place, different choices become available, often without the other person needing to change at all.