Have you ever made a New Year’s Resolution? Maybe it was to lose weight, be more productive, or to do more exercise. How did it go? Are you now the version of you that you imagined you’d be on that last day of the year?

Whether you are or not that idealised version of you now, you’ll no doubt be quite knowledgeable about the process of changing yourself and how hard it can be.

Even when you have a clear idea of the change you want in your life and you feel completely committed to it, there are inevitably bumps, detours and dead ends along the journey. Some of these obstacles might be expected; others a surprise. Some days you will question what on earth made you want to change in the first place; other days it will feel like the easiest thing in the world. Change is a long-term process and researchers tell us that it takes at least 21 days to cement a change into a habit and that’s what is needed to make a change permanent. It’s exciting stuff, and comes at a price of dedication.

Cartoon of business boss saying to his staff, I don't want to change. I want all of you to change.So why is it, when most of us know how tough making changes can be, that it is so very tempting to want or expect others to change, and to feel that we could or should somehow be agents of that change?

Have you ever found yourself giving advice to someone, maybe a child or sibling, about how they should change in some way? Or talking behind a colleague’s back about how they should learn to deal with certain situations differently? Yet most people know how ineffective suggestions of change can be – can you remember your parents or other family members telling you how you ‘should’ behave, look, think or be when you were a child, for example? Has an ex ever accused you of being ‘too’ this, or ‘not enough’ that? Did you immediately and joyfully take action? Thought not.

During our War to Peace workshop, a common complaint about colleagues, bosses, friends or family members is that they need to change because they are difficult to get along with. Comments like ‘he should stop being so stubborn!’ or ‘her problem is that she’s too bossy’ ring out as we discuss the people we are warring with.

The real work – the work of this programme – is to learn how to change our own operating system so that we can be at Peace no matter what the behaviour of those around us. This is a personal adventure in itself, not always an easy one, but one that you can be sure is easier than trying to change someone else!

Gandhi famously put it this way: “As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world…. as in being able to remake ourselves.”

When we change ourselves, we change our world. When we change how we think, we change how we feel and this changes the actions we will take. And so the world around us changes – not only because we are viewing our environment through new lenses, but because the change within allows us to take action in ways we couldn’t have even imagined while stuck in our old thought patterns. How brilliant is that?

Over to you

  • Who is the person in your life you really wish would change?
  • If you were really honest with yourself, in what ways are you contributing to the decline in your relationship with them?
  • What changes are you willing to make in yourself in order to improve your relationship with them?

Do you know someone who could benefit from War to Peace?

If you, or someone you know, would love to spend more time at Peace this year, our next open-access War to Peace workshop is on 16 October. Spaces sell out quickly, especially our reduced priced tickets, so if you would like to attend, do book yours today.

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©Halcyon Global 2015