Avoiding What Scares Us – Until We Can’t
Overcoming fear of public speaking is something I never imagined I’d master. I used to go to extraordinary lengths to avoid standing up in front of a room full of people. As a banking director, I masterfully positioned presenting as a ‘growth opportunity’ – for anyone but me. When that didn’t work, I’d delegate, deflect, and if all else failed, endure it with a pounding heart and a shaky voice.
During a 10-month leadership programme, I had to face it head-on. Every time I stood up, I sobbed. Every. Single. Time. Fast forward to Friday last week, and I spent the day leading one of the most profound War to Peace® workshops I’ve ever experienced. After 5.5 years of delivering this work virtually, we were back in the room, face-to-face.
Virtual or In-Person – The Impact is Transformative
People travelled from across the country – and abroad. One participant came on her birthday, calling it the best gift she could have given herself. Others were sent by family members who had taken part over a decade ago and still say it was the most impactful learning experience of their lives.
That is everything. To know this work still ripples through people’s lives long after they leave the workshop.
While Friday reminded me of the magic of in-person learning, I’m also incredibly proud of what we’ve created virtually. Every single virtual War to Peace® workshop has received an NPS score of 100. It has meant that people from all over the world can access it—sometimes in ways that stop me in my tracks.
- Ukrainians and Russians on the same call, helping each other.
- Israelis and Palestinians in the same breakout room, working together.
I will never forget the moment a participant from Ukraine had to leave midway through a session because bomb shelter alarms were sounding. We didn’t know if she would come back.
Thankfully, she did.
When you run a programme called War to Peace and people are attending from a war zone, it brings this work painfully, powerfully close to home.
And yet, whether people are joining from thousands of miles away or sitting together in a room, something extraordinary happens.
- We see each other differently.
- We see ourselves differently.
When Someone Won’t – or Can’t – Change
This is what makes War to Peace® truly powerful.
There are moments in life when we realise that the other person is not going to change.
- The colleague who never listens.
- The family member who always criticises.
- The leader who shuts down every idea.
And yet, when we shift our own way of being, the entire dynamic changes – without forcing, pushing, or even needing the other person to be aware of it.
That’s what happened to me with public speaking.
I couldn’t control the audience in front of me.
I couldn’t make them kinder, softer, less intimidating.
But I could change me.
That’s how I went from someone who sobbed every time she had to stand up in a room to someone who now relishes it. On Friday, I taught our participants the exact technique I used to overcome that fear. Because War to Peace® isn’t just about how we relate to others – it’s about how we relate to ourselves. These days, I’m not just leading workshops – I’m a part-time stand-up comedian who has gleefully performed to 400 people at The Comedy Store in London.
That old fear still makes an appearance now and then, but it no longer runs the show.
Words from Friday’s Participants
- “This is transformational in big and little ways.” Melanie Blyth
- “A workshop that provides an excellent blend of learning through self-discovery as well as applied frameworks.” Anna McKeon
- “War to Peace® is an amazing way to boost belonging, regulate emotions and resolve conflicts.” Petra Velzeboer
Thank You – and Join Us for a War to Peace® Workshop
An enormous thank you to everyone who took part last week. For your courage, your openness and the way you showed up for one another. And if you or someone you know would like to experience War to Peace®, upcoming workshop dates are here:
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