I’m right. And that’s that.

Have you ever found yourself in conflict with someone because they were clearly wrong about something but just couldn’t see it? It happens so often: from the time we learn to talk, we learn to assert our view of the world and what’s ‘right’ (“it’s MINE!”) in an attempt to enlighten other people about their ‘wrongness’ and bring them round to our way of thinking.

As we get older, we have fewer playground squabbles over whose toy it is, but the urge to be right and to assert it over people who think otherwise still remains. Most of the time, we have learned to reach agreement amicably or find a compromise over the sorts of things that would have led to fights at school. But when the pressure is on to find agreement fast or the issue is important to us, our inner child starts stamping their foot, going red in the face and refusing to budge about being right.

This can lead to conflict as well as embarrassment or smugness further down the line. Consider the argument in the car about which exit to take off the motorway: you’re approaching the junction you think it is, but your partner thinks it’s the next one. The pair of you get heated and go to War as the exit approaches at 70mph. You take the one you think it is. If you’re right, there’s a tendency to store the ‘victory’ away for the next time you’re at War (“Remember last time you didn’t trust me and I was right…”); if you’re wrong, defensiveness and sulkiness emerge.

The car argument shows up in many forms, at home, in the boardroom, in politics (WMD anyone?), in religious wars. All of these conflicts are fuelled by the need to be right, convincing others that they’re wrong and seeing the world in absolute terms.

In our War to Peace workshops, we talk about the ‘Unlucky 7’ typical signs of being at War and one of them is the need to be right, meaning that when you feel the need to vigorously assert or defend your status of being ‘right’, you could well be at War.

“It infuriates me to be wrong when I know I’m right.” ~ Moliere

Think about something you know for sure. That the sun comes up each morning, perhaps, or your middle name. Have you ever had an argument over it? Ever felt at War with someone because of a discussion about it? Probably not, because if anyone disagreed, it wouldn’t matter: you know you’re right about it. You would most likely be at Peace, maybe even amused, if someone contradicted you. You would feel secure in your knowledge and there wouldn’t be a need to defend it heartily.

What if you felt that Peace in other situations? You knew it was junction 20, that the company shouldn’t tender for that contract, or you’re being proselytised to. What if you didn’t go to War about it, whatever the other party chose to do, even if you disagreed with them?

Being at Peace whilst disagreeing with someone doesn’t mean you have to concede to what they say. Instead, it relieves you from the burden of needing to convince them of your worldview and takes up a lot less emotional energy. Doesn’t that feel better?

Over to you

• What situations in your life right now could benefit from your taking a different stance on being right?
• What is your need to be right costing you?
• How else could you view this situation so that being right becomes less important to you?

Do you know someone who could benefit from War to Peace?

If you, or someone you know, would love to spend more time at Peace this year, our next open-access War to Peace workshop is on 16 October. Spaces sell out quickly, especially our reduced priced tickets, so if you would like to attend, do book yours today.

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“It infuriates me to be wrong when I know I’m right” ~ Moliere

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©Halcyon Global 2015