Michael was desperate for change. He had worked hard all his career and now was a senior partner in his firm, a job he had aspired to for many years. But although this position afforded him a great house and an enviable car, he felt that the price of his time was too high. Michael left the house promptly at 6:00am, commuted for miles and then worked a long day, usually not stopping for lunch and almost always staying at the office until late. He would stagger through his front door around 9:30pm, collapse on the sofa, too tired to engage much with his wife, then trudge up to bed an hour later, having been slumped in front of some inane TV programme to switch off his whirring mind.
This was the job he had wanted for so many years. So why did he feel like giving it all up and moving the family to a little village in Italy they had been to once on holiday? The image of the place permeated Michael’s thoughts, especially first thing in the morning when the alarm went off. He could be breakfasting out on the sunny veranda surrounded by his family right now. Life would be simple. If he needed to go anywhere he could just pop on his bike; the family would get by on the rental income from their home back in England…
But instead, the cold morning was waiting and the closest to sunshine he would get would be the friendly barista’s smile as she passed him his usual kickstarter across the counter.
Michael came to a War to Peace workshop in order to be able to deal with one of his biggest clients, a woman he found particularly difficult to deal with. He came out with the confidence and know how to resolve his issues with her, but also got an unexpected bonus.
Michael realised that he had been at War with many people for the past few years, especially since he had been promoted to his current position. He had been angry at his clients and his colleagues for adding to his workload, frustrated with his family for not appearing to understand the pressure he was under, and feeling guilty about being unhappy when he was living in relative luxury.
When, in the workshop, Michael was introduced to War to Peace’s 4C Recovery Model, he experienced a revelation: that he could become at Peace without changing anyone or anything external. In fact in planning to change external factors by upping sticks and moving to Italy, he was avoiding looking within where the issues truly resided. The problem was not where he was living or with his work colleagues or clients, but how he was reacting through being at War. He realised that if he were to move to Italy without changing what was going on inside, his perception of his new home would be equally distorted and he would soon encounter new people who would frustrate and annoy him.
By recognising that he was at War and by taking the steps to move to being at Peace that he’d committed to in the workshop, Michael realised that, although he enjoyed visiting Italy on his holidays, it wasn’t really somewhere he would thrive. He started to appreciate and enjoy his home and part of his move to being at Peace involved recognising that his long hours had often been symptomatic of his need to be seen as able to cope with anything by his work colleagues – and, though it was hard to admit it, as someone important and busy by his wife. By being honest with himself, he was able to ask for what he needed at work and was able go home earlier and spend time with his family, resulting in him being much happier at home and sharper and more efficient the next day. For Michael, the revelation that changing what was going on inside could solve so many of his external issues, was life-changing.
Over to you
When do you find yourself trying to change the world outside you? What small step could you take today to look within?
Do you know someone who could benefit from War to Peace?
If you know someone who would benefit from changing their inner world view, our last open-access War to Peace workshop in 2014 is on 17 October. We have just ONE space left. To book your place, click here.
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©Halcyon Global 2014
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