You probably know a lot about body language. You can probably tell from twenty paces if your partner or boss is happy, sad or furious. You’ve most likely heard about how human communication is actually predominantly non-verbal, and you’re well practiced in spotting when someone is lying to you.
Photo by Ed Yourdon
But did you know that your body language sends out powerful signals to your own mind as well? Our brains make connections wherever they can, and that includes linking our physical state to our mental state. For example, our brains know that we generally smile when we feel happy, we generally frown when we’re annoyed, and we tend to fast, shallow breathe when we’re feeling fear or stress.
The good news is that the connection works both ways – and you maybe surprised to know that you already know this! So you have probably already experienced that if you find yourself in a situation that you find stressful, perhaps making a speech or doing a presentation, that you feel calmer if you consciously slow down your breathing. Your body also knows (though you may not be consciously aware of this) that when you’re feeling low, if you look up towards the ceiling it becomes much harder to think negative thoughts. It has also been shown that you can use your physiology to increase your feelings of self-assurance and reduce your stress levels – that simply changing our body posture changes the levels of cortisol and testosterone that course through our bodies. If you don’t believe us, Amy Cuddy, assistant professor at Harvard Business School explains the science behind this in her TED talk found here.
One of the things we most like about our War to Peace workshops is that you actually get to experience what we’re talking about, so we help our participants to actually experience how their physiology can be used to rapidly change how they are feeling. We often have participants write to us to let us know how different life is after the workshop and Sean wrote and gave us permission to share how things have changed for him since attending War to Peace earlier this year.
Sean had been having frequent disagreements with his colleague, Carl, and found himself getting more and more wound up around him, to the extent that he was seriously considering changing jobs. During the War to Peace workshop, it became evident to Sean that his body language changed whenever he was in Carl’s presence – in fact he only had to think about Carl and his physiology changed. Whilst experiencing War to Peace, Sean became more conscious of the link between how he he was feeling and his physiology, and he is now able to quickly shift his feelings by simply altering his body posture, breathing or facial expression. This puts him in a much more resourceful state before encountering Carl and has helped him to perceive his colleague with a lot more latitude, and interact with him quite differently.
Sean wrote to let us know that two things have made a difference for him – first of all, completing the Spiral of Disempowerment™ at the workshop helped him to own and recognise the part that he himself had been playing in his conflict with Carl and the other, which he confessed was quite a surprise, is how he is so much more in charge of how he is feeling at work. Sean still had some hostility towards Carl after the workshop, but now consciously chooses how he wants to feel when he encounters him. He told us “I have to confess I was a bit skeptical when you had us doing all that stuff at the workshop, but it really does work. I find Carl so much easier to work with and he’s actually alright. We even went out for a beer the other evening and we’ve got more in common than I realised! It’s really changed how we interact at work, even when we don’t agree. I’m going to try this out with my mother-in-law because I’ve always dreaded her visits, but I think this could really make a difference.”
Over to you
- How does your body react to the people you find difficult? Get into that posture right now and notice how it affects the way you feel.
- The next time you want to feel differently, notice what happens when you consciously change your body’s posture. For example, your body knows what a confident posture looks like. Get in it and see how it changes your mood. This is a great technique to use before going into situations like interviews, networking situations or performing. And, as a certain assistant professor at Harvard said: “don’t fake it ’til you make it, fake it until you become it.”
Do you know someone who could benefit from War to Peace?
If you know someone who would like to stop being at War with a family member, colleague or friend, we are running our final next open-access War to Peace workshop of the year in London on 16 October. To book a space, click here. Please note, we have just 4 spaces left.
P.S. Pass it on!
Found this useful? Then please share this article using the icons below and do leave us a comment.
Change your body language; change your relationship!
Please leave your name and email address at the top or bottom of this page to receive more articles like this.
©Halcyon Global 2015
Leave A Comment